the shackles that have held me(are now broken)
by jeoncena
Summary: he hears a voice, the one he had always believed in, speak into his ear softly, "You'll be fine." I'm not fine.


word count: 1,602

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"Taehyun, has V said something to you? You've been awfully silent this morning," the doctor asks as his pencil was laid across the top of the notebook on his lap. _Don't even think of anything._ "And it's fine if you're quiet sometimes, but today you look," he pauses as if he had to think over his word choices when speaking with Taehyun,"troubled."

 _Don't say anything; don't say anything that might trigger him._ Every breath Taehyun takes is like an animal chewing its limbs off to free itself from the grasps of a clawed trap. And he's falling, falling, and falling deeper into the depths of what is known as his mind.

 _Please don't come out._ Every miniscule of him is scattering away, one drop at a time, as he falls in what feels like the longest tunnel he has ever traveled in.

 _Don't think of anything. Don't think of anyone._ He takes a deep breath and slides down his chair, and remains silent. A sigh blows past the doctor's lips as he opens the manila folder, that contained his patient's information and past talk sessions, and so far, there has been no improvement, whatsoever.

 _Kim Taehyung. 17. Dissociative identity disorder._

 _\- x -_

In the dimmest corner of a room, there is a figure, sitting with hands grasping the sides of his head that had tufts of ruffled brown hair with bangs that ends at a length above his eye, eyes scrunches tightly as if afraid that when he opens them, images of what haunts his mind would appear before him, and his knees were drawn up to his chest.

"Taehyung,"a voice called, whom he recognizes as his doctor, through his door, "A visitor has come to see you." as soon as the boy turns his attention from his mirror to the door opening and a woman, whose black hair was tied to a bun, a white sweater jacket covering her entire form completed with cream pants and a white shirt underneath her jacket, he recognizes her as his mother and runs towards the woman latching himself onto her arm, digging his nails into the flesh of her arms as she smiles at him even though it was painfully obvious that the action was hurting her.

"Please don't leave me." he pleads after his mother informed him that she would be taking a week off of visiting him to go on a vacation. "Tae, you'll be fine," his mother calmly assures as she winces in pain as the boy's grip never released her arm,"Besides, I'll be back in the next two weeks, I-I'm not leaving you forever, you know. It's just that mommy needs a vacation and-"

"Can't you stay a little longer?" he pleads once more, nails marking little crescents onto his mother's once unscathed skin. He was _desperate_. He needed someone to be with him by his side watching his every step and assuring him that he'll be fine even though he has had no improvement within the past few months. He needs to persuade her more; he needs her to understand how much he truly needs her presence.

"You wouldn't have to worry anym-" he was soon interrupted by his mother as she adds her own rebuttal of his proposal of having her to stay by his side, "I can't Tae, I've already booked the rooms for the hotels." She looks at him with apologetic eyes that will never give him the reassurance he needs to keep himself away from the undesired parts of his mind, but he then spoke once more, "Then c-can I come with you?"

Before she could answer him, she was pulled and was led out by his doctor who then closes the door of his assigned room. Suddenly, he feels hot as he clenches his fist tightly, and his stomach bubbles as if it were boiling his emotions. He feels his legs move towards the door brings his fists up to bang against the door, "YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY. YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY YET! YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME! YOU CA-" Blinded by rage, the boy continues to pound against the door violently, "I NEED _YOU_. BEING HERE ALONE IS DRIVING ME _INSANE_. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, I'M BEGGING YOU."

When he pounds for what feels like the twenty-fourth time he pounded on the door, it was left slightly ajar and by the time he swings the door open, in search of his mother and doctor, a syringe was pushing its way into his arm. Stumbling forward, he wobbles back and forth on his feet, shock written all over his face before he falls over, his vision becomes hazy as he feels warm arms embracing him. Before he slips into eternal darkness, he hears a voice, the one he had always believed in, speak into his ear softly, "You'll be fine."

 _I'm not fine._

 _\- x -_

There's an inkling at the center of his chest as his breaths becomes ragged as if someone was trying to cut off his own circulation of oxygen through his lungs, the boy frantically raises his hands to pry the grip off his neck.

As he struggles to remove the tightening pressure on his neck, the boy remembers why his mother has been hiding him from the eyes of the world. He wasn't like everyone else; he wasn't in the same environment that anyone would describe as home. It hurt him to know that the reason he was isolated from the world was because of his mental condition.

But why did it have to be _him_ of all people? Why couldn't he just live the normal life he deserves from the day of his birth, like everyone else? Why does he have to face the pain _alone_? Tears run down along the path of his cheeks and close his eyes, which causes the increase of the speed of the descending clear liquid.

A blinding white light engulfs him whole, leaving his surroundings to be nothing but vacant space. The pressure that was on his neck vanished and the emotions he feels is as empty as the vacant white space around him. His eyes were half-lidded and his knees were bent upright onto his chest, arms wrapped around his lanky legs, and his head was perched atop his knee caps. He stares off into the distance, relishing into the scene of nothingness that is presented before him.

Unexpectedly, splashes of red appear before him and the once clean state of the white environment is ruined. Taehyung watches in fright as the white fades away and the mirror of his bathroom replaces the scene before him. _No, no, no. I don't want to go back- please no._

On the reflection of the mirror, was him marked with lines in shape of crescent moons of crimson red scattered throughout his entire limb. The porcelain sink is no longer its stainless white, the red liquid painting the sink into what would be seen as a grotesque scene.

With shaking apprehension, he brings his hands to his line of vision. A choked gasp flies past his lips when his eyes lands onto the maroon metallic liquid that was buried underneath his fingernails.

"N-n-not again." his hands were uncontrollably shaking, his vision no longer becomes stable as it creates double images of his bloodied hands. He couldn't remember how he got from his bedroom to the bathroom. What he does know is that the marks on his skin were not made by him, but _him._

 _V._

 _\- x-_

The next morning, he changes from his usual white, short sleeve shirt to the long sleeve shirts the institute provides and as soon as his doctor sees the change in clothing on his patient, he rushes to the boy and pulls the sleeves up without looking for the boy's consent.

"What triggered V to appear this time, Taehyung?" his doctor inquires as he scribbles onto his clipboard of the event that happened at night. Taehyung hugs his knees closer to his chest, head buries into the gap between his knees and chest, and answers, "I-I was thinking of something." His doctor nods his head in acknowledgement of his patient's answer. The conversation ends as soon as his doctor finishes writing his report on the newfound information.

He needs to escape; he needs to get away from this place. He doesn't want to be holed up here forever, "Taehyung doesn't need them anymore." V mutters as he makes his way to the door, hands on the knob and then slowly but quietly turns it, pulling the door to his right, his eyes meeting the white walls of the hallway.

He's at the beach where the waves are rushing back and forth attacking the grains of sand mercilessly, leaving behind its white foam. There in front of him, he sees an unfinished construction of a lighthouse and runs to the direction of the structure and climbs. As soon as he reaches the top, he pauses and closes his eyes, relaxing into the wind's breeze, his arms spread out in a one-hundred and eighty degree angle.

A smile graces upon his lips as he runs and leaps from the wooden platform, like a butterfly taking its first flight, and plunges into the ocean. A flash of white appears before his eyes and Taehyung panics and flails in the water until he heard a voice speaking softly in his mind,

 _Taehyung, you're free now._

Death has never felt refreshing as he closes his eyes and accepts his fate as the shackles that has been holding him was finally released.

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 **j** eoncena: this isn't really much. a rly quick read too. might crosspost it elsewhere. im doing this so i can be a credited beta reader of some sorts


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